bible's power

bible's power

BOY: Do you have a boyfriend?
GIRL: Nope. I don't want to have a boyfriend.
BOY: Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
GIRL: But I don't love you.
BOY: 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
GIRL: And how do I know you mean those words.
BOY: Matthew 12:34b ”For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
GIRL: But how can I be sure that you're loyal and honest?
BOY: Mark 13:31 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
GIRL: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there.
BOY: Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
GIRL: But what is in me that you like?
BOY: Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
GIRL: But I'm not all that beautiful...you’re exaggerating.
BOY: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
GIRL: What happens if I say yes?
BOY: Genesis 2:24 "Therefore man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
GIRL: How come you know the scriptures this much?
BOY: Joshua 1:8 " This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and you will have good success."
GIRL: wooow, I can see u really love God.
BOY: Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
GIRL: mmm. Ok please give me time to think about it.
BOY: Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things."
GIRL: owwww I love you already
BOY: Revelation 22:21b "Amen!"

petrol station

petrol station

A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek state of the art range rover sports,
Professor: guy abeg, give me full tank. 
Fuel Attendant: Sir, i don’t speak pidgin, i only speak English
Professor: Ok! good morning, I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized
automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.
Fuel Attendant: Oga na play I dey play o, how much fuel you wan buy?.

Madanlal Kosla we can’t pay your wife’s tax so you must die

Madanlal Kosla we can’t pay your wife’s tax so you must die

Madanlal Kosla 83, holding his death condolence letter.

A shocked pensioner received a letter from his local council - informing him of his own death.

Madan-lal Kosla, received a letter from Manchester City Committee that said he was no longer entitled for council tax support because he was dead.

This letter was directed to Mr Kosla’s wife Sudesh, contained sympathies on behalf of the local authority.

It said: “I am sorry to hear of your partner’s death on the 18th of May.

 “Please accept my condolences. I am sorry to write to you at this difficult time but as the claim for council tax support was in your partner’s name I have cancelled payments from 18th of May.”

the letter continued by saying his wife was no longer eligible for council tax support because he was dead the dead man opened the letter because his wife can’t read English

Regarding their reactions, he said “We are both very angry by what has happened, What if I had been away and someone else had opened that letter? They would think I’m dead. I had to pinch myself when I read it.”

After informing the council of the mistake and was told to go his local job centre to prove he was alive.

“They said go to the job centre, take a passport and show them you’re not dead,” he said.

 “It has inconvenienced us both and caused us both a lot of stress.”

A Manchester City Council spokesman blamed the Department for Work and Pensions for the mistake.

bookshop

bookshop

I Wanted to buy book in a bookshop, then I saw some books with these following Titles:
(1) How to look Beautiful/Handsome by: Obasanjo.
I was confused!


(2). Food that will make you grow tall by: Osita Iheme (pawpaw). 
I was so confused!!


(3). My Love for Nigeria by: Abubakar Shekau.                                                          
 Very surprised!
(4). Tips on how to get married by: Genevieve Nnaji.
I was shocked!


(5).The Joy of Poverty by: Aliko Dangote. 
over shocked!!


(6).Guidelines on how to pass your English Language by: Patience Jonathan.
I just fainted!!!!!

Abeg  if it's u, which of them would you buy
Pls dont laf alone pls share 

TYPES OF SLAP

TYPES OF SLAP

There are 6 major types of slaps,
they are:
1)TAKE AWAY SLAP: This is a situation where someone gives you a dirty slap and all you do is hold your face and walk away, this kind is normally received by newly born again Christians.
This is common with guys from there gal friends

2)RESOUNDING SLAP: This is when after you're hit, u keep hearing some funny sound in your brain like wiiiiiiiiiii, and voices on your head singing skelewu.
this when u steal meat for your mama pot

3) FORMATTING SLAP: This is the type that makes someone forget
instantly what he or she was doing, you find yourself asking questions like “what did I do?" “Who slap me?

This type is very common, it is a slap from guys who re stronger than you.

4) EXPLANATION SLAP: When someone gives you this kind, you find yourself explaining the situation to the nearest person out of your own accord. E.g. Bros, sheebi you been dey watch? I been no do anything o, I just dey pass na.

This is a slap from soldiers that have missed promotion for a long time.

5) FIXED DEPOSIT SLAP: When you receive this kind, all you do is just stand right where you are and watch the person walk away.

This slap is from elder brothers.

6) RHETORICAL SLAP: The moment you download this slap u start asking questions that don't need reply "
Mark, you slap me?."
There is no doubt that in our lives' experiences we have received one or more of these slaps, lol!

Which one have you ever received?

LAW FEST

LAW FEST

Last week, there was a program going on in our church titled "law fest".
This is a program whereby, you will buy a gift, wrap and package it, another person will buy his or her own gift, wrap and package it, and then we will all gather in the church and exchange the gifts. So last week, I don't have much money with me and I don't want to miss the program because, I must gain a nice gift from someone. So I decided to buy anything, I went and bought garri, u know that garri use to be heavy, so I package the garri in form of television, I bought a carton of television, put the garri inside and support it with a heavy stone, then I packaged it, and it gave me a shape of television. So when I arrived at the church, people were dragging to seat with me because they want to exchange their own gift with mine. (Una don die today) I said in my mind" Finally a girl who also brought her own gift sat near me, her gift has the shape of a fridge, I don't know what is inside but I believe is a nice gift. (I don hammer"I said in my mind) So when it got to the time of exchanging of gifts, me and the girl both exchanged our gifts, she smiled and collected my own gift that contains garri and stone but in shape of television. I collected her own gift, it was heavy like a fridge, I ran home quickly before the girl will change her mind. When I got home, I lock my door and windows, very happy that I have cheated the girl and collected her nice gift, but I have begged God for forgiveness because I don't have much money. When I opened the gift, behold!! I saw two bags of sand with two heavy stones bigger than the stone I put inside my own gift, when I opened the bag of sand
I saw a written letter, which reads "I saw you yesterday when you are packaging your own garri and stone, you think you are wise"
I just fainted.......

marry her

marry her

1. If your girlfriend come to your house and joining you in drinking garri, marry her.
2. If you take her to a restaurant and she picked gala/ pure water instead of expensive meals, she is understanding marry her.
3. If she sees someone with bugatti and decided to follow u with keke, my brother na ur bone b dat.
4. She come to ur house and even watch ur brothers and sisters clothes, marry her fast.
5. You gave her 50k for shopping but she went for okirika and bring back 45k to u, marry her coz she read economic.
6. She will call u everyday and ask if u need recharge card, brother claim her o!
7. If the girl use to give u her pocket money every week, she loves u marry her.
8. If both of u enter bus and she pay, thats a good sign.
9. Whenever ure eatn 2geda and she's eating only bone while you eat meat, na ur rib bdat.
10. When u ask her what she want and she said nothing, brother, she deserves everything.

My question now is this, does a woman with any of these still exists???...

Brazil and Chelsea star Willian responded to the circulation of a video on social media that said he had put on weight.

Brazil and Chelsea star Willian responded to the circulation of a video on social media that said he had put on weight.

Willian who some believed to have added weight after footage emerged on Monday of the midfielder seen overweight throughout Brazil’s match with Panama ahead of the upcoming Copa America.
The 27-year-old took shedloads of mistreatment from all angles of the internet and has finally replied on Instagram…in style.

Willian uploaded a photograph of himself in training for Brazil where he is showing off his rather impressive six-pack.

Wonder shall never end. Imagine a boy calls police after his dad violated a red Light

Wonder shall never end. Imagine a boy calls police after his dad violated a red Light

The Massachusetts city of Quincy police released an audio call from a young boy telling on his dad for driving through a red light.
In the soundtrack sent online by law enforcement agencies in the Massachusetts city of Quincy, the pint-sized crime-fighter was heard telling a dispatcher about his father's alleged traffic offence.
"Um, daddy went past a red light," reported the boy.
"He has a black truck. He was in a brand-new car, my mummy's car."
When the dispatcher asks what happened next, the boy, named as Robert, says his dad did this on the way to the car wash.
"Then he went past the red light," the boy says again.
The correspondent spoke to the boy's father, who picks up the phone.
"Oh, no," the man says, with an uncomfortable laugh. "I apologise."
"No problem," the dispatcher says.
The police department said the boy was six years old, but his father says on the call he is five.
Quincy Police did not charge the reported violation and no ticket was issued.

Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs.

Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs.

A graduate of zoology from a Nigerian university was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspaper for a job at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla which had been tourists' attraction had died so they needed someone to dress up and pretend to be like a gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was ok, he accepted the job. The first day, he put on the gorilla skin and entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beating his chest and roaring like a gorilla. The next day, he put on the gorilla skin and started moving around the zoo again and mistakenly entered another cage where he found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he was a gorilla and started shouting like a human, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped on him, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, " # FEMI, it's me # DAYO, your course mate. Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs."

let the poison work

let the poison work

Akpos was dying. His wife sat at the

bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have
something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I
slept with you, your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied.
"Now just rest and let the poison work"

"FRANK! FRANK! If u continue like this, u will lose all your friends o!"

"FRANK! FRANK! If u continue like this, u will lose all your friends o!"

1. A man caught his wife in bed with his best friend. Out of anger, he took his gun and shoots his friend. Out of fear, his wife shouted, "FRANK! FRANK! If u continue like this, u will lose all your friends o!"
.
2. Peter: teacher, do honey have legs?
Teacher: No, but why do you ask?
Peter: because, last night, i over heard my dad saying, Honey, please open your legs wide.
.
3. SON: Mom, grandma is so annoying, I wish she will just die.
MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that will die not mine.
.
4. A man goes into a library and asks for a
book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Bleep off, you won't bring
it back."
.
5. Ochuko: why are u tip toe-ing infront of the chemist?
Akpos: I don't want to wake the sleeping pills
.
6. Okon: why are u writting this letter so slow?
Akpos: because the person am writting it to, doesn't read fast
.
7. Husband buys 5 of the same color of pants for
his wife.
WIFE: Ah! Same color? People will
think i don't change my panties.
HUSBAND Which people?
.
8. Teacher: our topic today is question tag. Eg: obi is a boy. Isn't he? Yes he is. Can I have other examples.
Ochoku: we go chop yam today Chopin't we?
Teacher: wrong, can anybody correct him?
Akpors: don't mind that block head We go chop yam today. Yamin't we?
Teacher fainted.
Which is your funniest?

Adults of Isreal

Adults of Isreal

At a Sunday school class, one Sunday morning, after an interesting topic, the teacher asked, "Any question?"
Akpos, looking puzzled, raised his hand.
Akpos : "U said the children of Israel escaped
from Egypt?"
Teacher: Yes
Akpos: "U said the children of Israel crossed
the red sea?"
Teacher: Yes
Akpos: "U said the children of Israel also
brought down the mighty walls of Jericho?
Teacher: "Yes Akpos!" "What exactly is your
question?"
Akpos : "When the children of Israel were doing
all this, where exactly were the adults of Israel??"
# teacherkept quiet

Range Rover HSE Sport

Range Rover HSE Sport

Akpos: 3 packs.

Chichi: How much per pack?
Akpos: N200.
Chichi: And how long have you been smoking?
Akpos: For 15 years.
Chichi: So, one pack costs N200, and you have
3 packs a day, which puts your spending each
month at N18,000. In one year, it would be
N216,000 correct?
Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: If in one year you spend N216,000 not
accounting for inflation, the past 15 years
puts your spending at over N3,000,000
correct?
Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: Do you know that if you hadn't
smoked, that money could have been put in a
step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the
past 15 years, you could have now easily
bought a brand new Range Rover HSE Sport?
Akpos: Do you smoke?
Chichi: No.
Akpos: So where's your Range Rover HSE
Sport then???

Naija na we dey here

Naija na we dey here

Can't stop laughing...
*Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside "MEAT PIE"..
*Na only for Nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM.
*Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey say:-Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your NEPA bill...
*Na only for Naija people dey horn for traffic light make e quick change from Red to Green...
*Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke,Recharge Card, Chin chin,Puff puff and beer, Wetin you no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere in d world...
*Trust me. Na only 4 naija you go find a graduate of mechanical engineering dey do him NYSC 4 Police station.
*Na only 4 naija you go see one person dey use Bold5, X3, Ipad2 and Nokia N8 all at once while his mother dey sale grandnut For junction 

*Na only 4 naija you go see a graduate of law dey work as generator repairer.
*Na 4 only Naija, you go see mad man dey control traffic, people wey their head correct dey obey...
*Na 4 only Naija, wey you go see the president senior the country himself.
*Na 4 only Naija, you go see native doctor dey use laptop connected with MTN modem. Maybe they are now consulting the spirits online..
*Na only for naija u go see a man selling a book from street to street dat says HOW TO MAKE MONEY WITHOUT STRESS. I wonder why him no read d book. I salute una Nigerians.... Naija no dey carry last..

Na only 4 Naija u go see person read this my joke finish without commenting. lol....

U go fear

U go fear

Bruh/Sissy

.
COME and Laugh.
Lwkmd
My people, no be small thing oo... I was jz minding my business wen I saw this status update on Facebook.. "To hair is to human, to forgive is design" I was like "hair ko, attachment ni" so I became curious and decided to go down to view her timeline.. No be small matter oo.. Come see more updates.. **"I hate guys with low selves of steam"
**"I am a blessing to my generator "
**" I'm a soccer to guys with six pack ".
**" My BB charger is no longer walking "
**" Anybody who supports killing is a carnival"
**"Love is in the hair.. Valentine tins rolling "
**" on my way to school, please play for me "
**" Finally I've been admitted in to the univasity of sense and technology..
I jus FAINT

What a friend can do

What a friend can do

Hahahaha, friends are always wonderful.

I reached home late last night and dad asked me "where were you?
Me : At a friend's place dad.
In front of me, dad called 10 of my friends.
4 of them said "yes sir, he was here",
2 said "he just left sir",
3 said "he's here sir, studying, should I give the phone to him? and 1 of them went an extra mile to speak to dad (in my voice) "Yes dad...what's happening"
I fainted.

Please laugh small small...you all know those friends that can cover up.

CAN THIS EVER HAPPEN???

CAN THIS EVER HAPPEN???

Girl:   hi handsome?
Boy:   mcheeeew!
Girl:   c'mon I mean no harm, dude. Spare me a few minutes of ur time.
Boy:   say what u have to say and leave immediately.
Girl:   okay, I've been watching u pass here everyday and I feel attracted to u...
Boy:   Only that?
Girl:   I think u are hydrogen cause whenever I see u my heart beats with a pop sound.
Boy:   aawsh! stop the flattery pls.
Girl:   am damn serious. Can't u see that am not sober and am staggering? That simply proves that am drunk in love with u.
Boy:  (smiling) go straight to the point, can't u see am busy? (drawing patterns on the ground using his feet).

Girl:  wow, ur smile is like Al Quaeda terrorists cause it has just captured the territory of my heart, pls give me a chance to invest in ur heart business and u will see the profits through my love for u.

Boy:   u girls are just the same. U just want to use me and then dump me heartlessly.
Girl:   OMG! That's soo inhuman. I want to show u true love that can never even be witnessed in the Soap Operas.
Boy:  okay, let me think about it then I will reply u later.
Girl:  okay handsome, take as much time as u want. Whatever ur decision is, I will respect it but pls say Yes.

Will there ever be a beautiful time like this?
Where girls will do the 'toasting' and we the boys do the 'blushing' or is it just wishful dreaming?.........

樂樂樂樂樂樂 I am personally waiting for this kinda girls to come my way else I'll stay single saaaaa....who else  is waiting with me. Raise up your hands lemme see